Platial | Who and What's Nearby
Platial | Who and What's Nearby
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I sleep in a lot. I don’t really have a social life here at home right now since all of my friends from around here actually got to enjoy their Spring Break somewhere that’s not Indiana. I woke up this afternoon (yes, afternoon) and when I opened my eyes to yet another dreary day out my window, I heard his little shriek that meant either his grandpa was picking him up or that he was getting his bib put on. I stayed in bed for about 30 seconds processing the idea of collecting myself before getting out of bed and starting the day on foot. I’ve only been home for a couple of days so my parents hadn’t had the time to annoy the hell out of me yet. As of now, we were saying “Good morning” to one another and it was okay for them to tease me about the fact that it was 12 in the afternoon. There’s a good chance that tomorrow it’ll have gotten old.
I walked into the living room only to find my mom reading a book to my niece and my dad lying on the floor with my nephew sitting up next to him and hitting him with a big, blue Lego. As I walked towards the couch, they all stopped to watch me. Audrey is four going on about seventeen. The girl learned to roll her eyes at a very young age and to be brutally honest at an even younger age. “Hiiii, Twitty,” she spoke to me condescendingly. “Have you been sleeping this WHOLE time?” I didn’t feel so bad since she was still in her pajamas. Benjamin is nine months old and I can safely say, he is the number one boy in my life right now. He look over and up at me with his lower lip just hanging with the slightest shimmer of drool weighing it down and his big, brown eyes just working to remember who I was. I stand in front of him and he easily beats me in this staring contest we’ve got going. I know it’s only a matter of time before he—oh, there it is. “There’s that smile, baby! I’ve missed that smile!” His grin turns into a bit of a laugh and a maniacal tossing of his arms and Legos flying all over the place. I step over him and my dad. Sherry Lewis and Lambchop are annoying the hell out of me on the TV, but I’m the only one who’s acknowledging them. After a few minutes I turn my head around to ask where my breakfast is. As I looked over to everyone sitting in front of me, I stop for a second to take it all in.
“Today is Halloween, Clifford!” my mom read. I watched Audrey’s eyes as she read along with her, as much as she could. As she was concentrated, she wouldn’t realize that she was gawking until she felt her mouth being weighed down much like her baby brother’s. I was distracted from Clifford learning about Halloween when Benjamin started another shrieking fit. I watched my dad play with his grandson and wondered what he would think if I told him I was pregnant. I remembered the day my sister sat us all down and told us she was pregnant with Audrey. I didn’t speak to her for weeks and I was the one that had to help my dad as he cried claiming that he wasn’t a good father. Three months after they told us they were having a baby, every tear that streamed from my eyes down to my lavender bridesmaid dress was full of dread and disgust. Today, I’m convinced that they love their children more than they love each other and to be completely honest, I wait every day to hear the announcement that she’s leaving him. Not because he’s a bad father or husband (because he’s absolutely amazing to put up with my sister’s bullshit), but because while my sister is a wonderful mother, she’s a stuck-up, overwhelming bitch to him. After Audrey was born, it didn’t take my dad any time to accept the reality of the situation. The second he held her in his arms, my new brother-in-law was accepted into the family.
I have a sneaky suspicion that he wouldn’t have been so kind to me. The only people in the hospital that day would have been me, my parents, and his parents. I’ll have shamed him too much.
But as I sat there and watched everything that was laid out in front of me, I smiled…right there with no one around, with no one to acknowledge it, I smiled. Every once in awhile Benjamin would turn his body around to make sure I was still there and he’d smile as soon as making eye contact. We have a strong connection—much stronger than Audrey and I ever did. She would scream the second I’d walk into the room. Benjamin reaches out for me. I like to think he was brought into this world for not only his own purpose, but for my own well-being—as a reminder that one day, I’ll have to forgive myself. And every single time that I hold him, I just can’t help but wonder if someone else is looking at me through his eyes.
I sleep in a lot. I don’t really have a social life here at home right now since all of my friends from around here actually got to enjoy their Spring Break somewhere that’s not Indiana. I woke up this afternoon (yes, afternoon) and when I opened my eyes to yet another dreary day out my window, I heard his little shriek that meant either his grandpa was picking him up or that he was getting his bib put on. I stayed in bed for about 30 seconds processing the idea of collecting myself before getting out of bed and starting the day on foot. I’ve only been home for a couple of days so my parents hadn’t had the time to annoy the hell out of me yet. As of now, we were saying “Good morning” to one another and it was okay for them to tease me about the fact that it was 12 in the afternoon. There’s a good chance that tomorrow it’ll have gotten old.
I walked into the living room only to find my mom reading a book to my niece and my dad lying on the floor with my nephew sitting up next to him and hitting him with a big, blue Lego. As I walked towards the couch, they all stopped to watch me. Audrey is four going on about seventeen. The girl learned to roll her eyes at a very young age and to be brutally honest at an even younger age. “Hiiii, Twitty,” she spoke to me condescendingly. “Have you been sleeping this WHOLE time?” I didn’t feel so bad since she was still in her pajamas. Benjamin is nine months old and I can safely say, he is the number one boy in my life right now. He look over and up at me with his lower lip just hanging with the slightest shimmer of drool weighing it down and his big, brown eyes just working to remember who I was. I stand in front of him and he easily beats me in this staring contest we’ve got going. I know it’s only a matter of time before he—oh, there it is. “There’s that smile, baby! I’ve missed that smile!” His grin turns into a bit of a laugh and a maniacal tossing of his arms and Legos flying all over the place. I step over him and my dad. Sherry Lewis and Lambchop are annoying the hell out of me on the TV, but I’m the only one who’s acknowledging them. After a few minutes I turn my head around to ask where my breakfast is. As I looked over to everyone sitting in front of me, I stop for a second to take it all in.
“Today is Halloween, Clifford!” my mom read. I watched Audrey’s eyes as she read along with her, as much as she could. As she was concentrated, she wouldn’t realize that she was gawking until she felt her mouth being weighed down much like her baby brother’s. I was distracted from Clifford learning about Halloween when Benjamin started another shrieking fit. I watched my dad play with his grandson and wondered what he would think if I told him I was pregnant. I remembered the day my sister sat us all down and told us she was pregnant with Audrey. I didn’t speak to her for weeks and I was the one that had to help my dad as he cried claiming that he wasn’t a good father. Three months after they told us they were having a baby, every tear that streamed from my eyes down to my lavender bridesmaid dress was full of dread and disgust. Today, I’m convinced that they love their children more than they love each other and to be completely honest, I wait every day to hear the announcement that she’s leaving him. Not because he’s a bad father or husband (because he’s absolutely amazing to put up with my sister’s bullshit), but because while my sister is a wonderful mother, she’s a stuck-up, overwhelming bitch to him. After Audrey was born, it didn’t take my dad any time to accept the reality of the situation. The second he held her in his arms, my new brother-in-law was accepted into the family.
I have a sneaky suspicion that he wouldn’t have been so kind to me. The only people in the hospital that day would have been me, my parents, and his parents. I’ll have shamed him too much.
But as I sat there and watched everything that was laid out in front of me, I smiled…right there with no one around, with no one to acknowledge it, I smiled. Every once in awhile Benjamin would turn his body around to make sure I was still there and he’d smile as soon as making eye contact. We have a strong connection—much stronger than Audrey and I ever did. She would scream the second I’d walk into the room. Benjamin reaches out for me. I like to think he was brought into this world for not only his own purpose, but for my own well-being—as a reminder that one day, I’ll have to forgive myself. And every single time that I hold him, I just can’t help but wonder if someone else is looking at me through his eyes.
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