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The fourth job I was fired from:

Dairy Queen. (winter c.1991)

I was fired for telling the manager to go fuck herself after she yelled at me to clean the chocolate soft serve pump faster, which had just blown up and spewed chocolate all over, flooding the whole cashier's area.

I remember first of all that this place was wrong right away because all my friends rode skateboards out in front and when they found out I had a job there they would ride by and moon me all day.

Also my family would come in to see me at work and that was more embarrassing than my friends riding by shaking their asses at me for my whole shift.

The day that I got fired, my second day there, I walked in and the manager rushed me to the time clock to punch in while explaining to me the dire situation at hand. Some "stupid fucking asshole" (possibly me) had left the soft serve pump on all night, so the thing made ice cream until it blew spewing chocolate all over the floor. There was at least three inches of chocolate sludge covering the whole floor of the cashier's area and threatening the front facade of the storefront where everyone who didn't want chocolate soft serve was none the wiser. Being the hardworking IQ employee I had been shaped to be in my one day of training beforehand, I set out to clean away all the chocolate sludge from the cashiers feet. Unfortunately my method was not respected. The managers did not think that taking the whole days allotment of towels and creating a complex dam system was the proper solution. The manager got in my face and screamed, "If you go back there one more time for one of my towels you're fired!" As she was yelling I noticed that all the ice cream lickers and employees had stopped to watch me be berated by this lady who had lost control. I looked down at the soft serve pump still sputtering loads of chocolate onto her white shoes. When she was done I told her that if she didn't like the way I was cleaning up the mess that she could clean the goddamned mess herself. She told me that insubordination would not be tolerated at any Ice Queen. I told her she could go fuck herself. I threw my apron and hat right into the sludge and walked out.

They were pretty surprised the next day when I came back demanding my paycheck and telling them that it was the law that they pay me immediately. I think that they were only a few years older than me and so they just complied because they didn't want any more trouble from me.

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